Tuja's Meditation Challenge

Meditation is a word for me that holds a lot of emotions. Having never experienced meditation before until I embarked on a teacher training course, my relationship so far has been a love hate story. For me the word 'meditation' filled me with dread, having to sit still for long periods of time, feeling of not really knowing what I was doing and worrying am I even doing this right? These are all common experiences when you set out on the path of meditation. When I first began to meditate my experience was filled with resentment. Resentment in having to sit still, resentment that my mind wouldn't be quiet and constantly thinking what actually is this doing for me. That combined with the physical pain the body can go through by having to sit still for long periods of time, all meant that my relationship to meditation was that of a negative one. After time, you can guess that my daily meditation that I began in teacher training vanished into thin air!

Although as time passed and it didn't concern me, my body and mind starting calling for meditation... Strange I know but this wasn't by chance. However perfectly timed Tuja's 30 day Mediation challenge dropped into my mailbox. How could I resist, a 30 day challenge to get back on track with my meditation. Embarking on the challenge I desperately tried to banish any feelings of resentment towards mediation but they just wouldn't budge. With the first few days only being short meditations of 5 minutes I was convinced I could sit happily for that time and meditate. Well first of all the struggle to make myself less resentful and just do it was hard to overcome, then there was battling with an over thoughtful mind. Although having meditated the end result was one of feeling calmer, clear minded and ready to tackle the day ahead.

Each day the meditation was guided by a different teacher, meditation faciliter or practitioner. There were days I gelled better with the meditation and the voice. For me I found I enjoyed being guided into feeling my body the sensations of my breath. As the time passed something amazing slowly began to emerge... my relationship to mediation shifted (bet you didn't see that coming.. cliché I know) but really it did. I now define meditation to me (this is my way of describing it) as 'me time'. Time to remove myself from the hustle and bustle of daily life, reconnect with my body and clear my mind. Each time I went to meditate I would say to myself this is time for YOU. And hey it did the trick! I am not saying it was easy and yes I did fall off the meditation ban waggon on a few occasions... and yes my resentment for meditation was still there, bit it was how I reconfigured my mind which connected me to meditatation. ( I also have to admit I did not find Navana just after one meditation, it takes work and constant practice just like yoga to hone your skills) Having experienced the meditation challenge and having the opportunity to experience different teachers, I found that I was equipped with new knowledge and different approaches of entering meditation. But most importantly the gentle reminder that meditation is a skill, it doesn't just happen by sitting the first time. That bringing your mind away from your thoughts (which meditation is really about) is the true skill. To train and redirect your mind from delving and getting involved in emotions and thought, to just merely sitting and acknowledging. Mostly importantly it is ok for the mind to wonder, don't beat yourself up. It is ok for the body to ache and moan from sitting still. Either have a conversation with this sensation, feel it, breathe it or if it is too much concentrate on your breath. So yes it is still a challenge to meditate and who said these things were easy, but what the 30 day challenge has helped me with is acknowledging that this is MY time to connect back with myself... and who knows that resentful monster may one day just disappear. let me know what you think?

#tuja #meditation #challenge #breathe #connect